Making Friends When You are Younger
When you are younger, it seems like making friends is way more accessible. You are in school with so many different people from the time you are a toddler until your teenage years. If you decide to go to college, the social benefits of school continue. During this time, you are surrounded by people experiencing the same things you are, sharing similar interests, and also desiring to make friends. After you wear your graduation gown and throw your cap in the air, your life changes in many ways.
Life after graduation can be extremely difficult. Finding a job, deciding where to live, and becoming a “real” adult is quite confusing and scary. The friends you once surrounded yourself with all the time may be busy with work or other life commitments they need to attend to. You will start losing touch with certain people, and the memories you had with each other can start to fade. When people your age start getting married, having kids, or moving away, it can be even harder to keep in touch and get together.
Feeling Lonely as an Adult
You may be feeling lonely or discouraged in the friend department of your life. You ask yourself:
Why does it feel like I’m all alone?
Why are people hanging out without me?
When will I meet a new friend?
How do I even make new friends?
I know these feelings of loneliness and confusion are upsetting, but please remember that you are not alone!
According to Harvard’s “Making Caring Common Project,” 36% of respondents shared that they live with serious loneliness. Notably, 61% of these respondents were young people aged 18-25. It is also important to notice that 51% of these respondents were mothers who were raising young children. So many people are longing to meet someone new and make connections with others.
So…if there are so many people wishing to make friends, why does it seem so hard to do?! I believe that with the right mindset, confidence, and a little bit of hope you will succeed in your quest for friendship! I’ve listed some tips below to use when making friends as an adult. I hope they can help!
5 Tips for Making Friends as an Adult
First, Become Friends with Yourself
You need to become best friends with yourself. A best friend is someone who supports you, believes in you, and forgives you for the past. Before making any new friends, you need to, first, establish a healthy relationship with yourself. Building your confidence and self-esteem will help you feel good about yourself and love the person that you are. You can become better friends with yourself by exploring your interests, practicing self-care, listening to your body, and treating it with love. As you become friends with yourself, you will be able to see what a valuable friend you’d be to someone else. You deserve an amazing friend who will treat you with nothing but respect and care. By honoring yourself to a high degree, you will not settle for less than what you deserve.
Second, Reflect & Make a List
You may have experienced a friend in your life that badly treated or hurt you. There also may have been times where you hurt the people in your life. It is important to recognize these traits and focus on not bringing them into any future relationships you have. Forgive yourself, forgive others, learn, and move on.
An advantage to making friends when you are older is the ability to be more selective. As everyone gets busier, the time you spend with friends matters more. You will probably become more selective with who you give your time and energy to. Also, as opposed to high school, you will not feel pressured to be friends with people just because you have every class with them or see them everyday. If a friend is constantly treating you badly, you are able to distance yourself from them.
Think about what type of friend you would like to make and journal about it! Make a list of the traits that you would like to have in a new friend. What values are important to you? What interest would you like to share? What are deal breakers for you in a friendship?
Third, Say Positive Affirmations to Prepare Yourself
Repeat these sayings to yourself:
“I am open to new connections and experiences”
“I am deserving of love and respect, always”
“I am enough even when I’m alone”
“I have so much to offer someone as a friend”
Fourth, Put Yourself Out There
The next step is putting yourself out there! You can do this by:
Joining book clubs, intramural sports teams, committees, boards, or work out classes
Joining apps (like Bumble BFF) for making friends or Facebook groups
Reaching out to people you haven’t talked to in a while or haven’t gotten a chance to know on a deeper level
Exploring new places – you never know who you could meet
Finding a cause you are passionate about and volunteering your time
Asking people at work if they’d like to go out for dinner
Messaging people on social media that you follow or are connected with
If you are a parent, try socializing with other parents at your child’s school, dance classes, sports games, etc.
Fifth, Be Open to New Experiences & People
Making friends and entering a new situation can be intimidating. Try showing that you are open to others through your body language. You can do this by smiling, not folding your arms in front of you, or nodding your head as you listen to others talk.
Other than body language, it is important to be open internally. Open your heart to new experiences. If you meet someone and it doesn’t work out, that is ok! Don’t let that stop you from putting yourself out there and trying again. You never know when you will meet your best friend!
Bonus: Remember that…
You can do this! I believe that you have all the potential in the world to make new friends and expand your social circle. No matter what happens, you are more than enough just by being you! I’m rooting for you, always.
About the Author
Jackie Caputo is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who provides therapy in Woodland Hills, CA. She also provides online therapy in California to individuals throughout the state.