There are moments in life when the darkness seems insurmountable. It’s as if we’ve fallen into a deep, inescapable hole, and the idea of crawling out feels impossible. We look around at all the things that need to change—the burdens we carry with our relationships, careers, finances, mental health—and the overwhelming question looms: Where do I even begin?
In times like these, it’s easy to feel stuck, paralyzed by the weight of everything. But it’s important to realize that pulling ourselves out of darkness doesn’t require tackling everything at once. In fact, doing so can make the journey even harder. Instead, the key lies in simplifying the process. Rather than focusing on all the changes needed, pick just one thing to start with.
I’ve found that how we approach one area of life often reflects how we handle everything else. So, start small. Take one area—whether it’s your finances, your relationship with food, your romantic life, or your sense of self-worth—and ask yourself: What would it look like if I felt at peace in this one area? Visualize it. How would it feel to have that part of your life aligned with your deepest wishes?
You don’t need to dedicate hours to this reflection; even five minutes a day can make a difference. Visualize the feeling you desire in that one area, and with each passing day, let that vision guide your actions. By narrowing your focus, you’re not only setting yourself up for success but creating a ripple effect that will eventually touch other parts of your life.
But here’s the hard truth: sometimes, no matter how much you focus on change or how intensely you wish for peace, you can’t climb out of the darkness alone. And that’s okay. You’re not meant to. We often feel like we should be able to fix ourselves on our own, but in reality, none of us are islands. It’s essential to have a community—a group of people who love you unconditionally, who know what you’re going through, and who can help you find your way when you can’t seem to find it on your own.
If you’ve been fighting this battle alone and still feel stuck, maybe it’s time to ask for help. Reach out to a friend, a mentor, or a therapist. These people can be a lifeline, reminding you that you’re not alone in this journey and giving you the strength to move forward.
One of my favorite authors wrote about the idea that “feeling is the secret.” The more you can embrace the feeling of the outcome you desire, the more your actions will begin to reflect that. Assume the feeling of the wish fulfilled. Begin acting as though the peace you long for, the stability you crave, the love you desire, already exists in your life. That shift in mindset can be transformative.
At the end of the day, asking for help is not a sign of weakness—it’s one of the bravest things you can do. It’s acknowledging that you don’t have to navigate life’s darkest moments alone. It’s giving yourself permission to heal with the support of others. And it’s the first step in pulling yourself out of that hole and back into the light.
Remember, no matter how overwhelming life feels right now, you don’t have to go through it alone. Asking for help isn’t just an option; it’s a pathway to healing. Reach out, connect, and let others help you rise.
About the Author
Jackie Caputo is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who provides therapy in Woodland Hills, CA. She also provides online therapy in California to individuals throughout the state.